When you lose a baby, the weight of sadness can be overwhelming.
Powerful waves of anxiety, sorrow, anger, and guilt threaten to sweep you away.
It can feel as though no one — not even your spouse — understands the depths of your heartache.
You may find yourself resenting your spouse and loved ones, or feeling unspeakably angry because they don’t seem to be grieving like you are.
You may feel exhausted, dull, and lethargic — tossing and turning at night or aimlessly wandering the house by day.
Perhaps you try to escape your pain with alcohol, drugs, or sleeping pills — only to find that your grief grows fiercer.
Guilt becomes a frequent companion, as you know that your children, job, and spouse need more from you than you can muster.
Your kids may withdraw, isolate, act out, push limits, or blame themselves for your sadness. They need your help -- but when you’re emotionally overloaded yourself, you may not know what to say or how to meet their emotional needs.
People often don’t know the right things to say or how to help — so sometimes they say and do terrible, insensitive things.
Through it all, you’re spinning in a dense fog of anxiety, guilt, loneliness, anger, lethargy, heart-rending sadness, and bone-crushing fatigue.
Perhaps you can’t imagine ever feeling happy again.
In fact, deep down, you might believe that you will never feel much better than this. That without your baby, plodding your way through each day is the best you can ever hope for.
You Are Meant for Far More Than Simply Surviving Each Day
When we’re lost in the abyss of heart-shattering grief, we often can’t see a way out.
But there is a path forward.
You may not see it — or even believe it exists — but thousands have walked this path before you. They have recovered from the devastating loss of their child and have gone on to live engaged, purpose-filled lives of peace, deep connection, and yes, even joy.
This path of healing is one that you are naturally designed to follow. But it’s easy to miss the path and to wander off course into deeper pain.
In the early days of your loss, grief is like a protective shield: it numbs your emotions and encourages you to instinctively pull away from others. You create a safe, quiet space, deep inside, where you can remain still and conserve energy, even as the chaos of your trauma whirls around you.
As healthy grief progresses, your emotions begin to thaw and you begin to feel again.
Many of us are terrified by the all-consuming intensity of these emotions. We’re afraid they will strip away our last little grip on normalcy and drown us in their fury.
So we withdraw even further in an effort to protect ourselves. We avoid people and situations that might spark strong emotions. We stuff down our feelings, isolate ourselves, or try to “stay busy” to keep the pain at bay. We may seem okay to others, but underneath, we feel exhausted, depressed, and irritable, as we anxiously guard against worst-case scenarios that overrun our imaginations.
The problem is...
You Aren’t Designed to Avoid, Block, or Bury Your Emotions
What you resist, persists.
Buried feelings have a very high rate of resurrection. And when they resurface, they return with a vengeance at inconvenient times and with destructive power.
Even worse, the damaging effects of toxic grief don’t stop with us. Then they get passed on to others — often hurting those we love most.
What began as a healthy, natural response to loss becomes a vicious cycle of pain and suffering that harms us, our relationships, and future generations.
Unresolved toxic grief destroys people and families. You’ve probably witnessed bitter people lashing out at others, or doing violence to themselves with risky, self-harming behavior. Children raised in homes where unresolved grief persists will experience many of the same symptoms. Unless they learn new ways to understand and manage their emotions, the negative patterns of their childhood will play out again with their own children and loved ones.
Here's the good news...
You Can Escape This Vicious Cycle of Unnecessary Suffering
When you proactively deal with your own grief, using time-tested, practical techniques, you also model healthy practices and lay the groundwork for your loved ones to experience improved mental health and emotional well-being.
You see, the secret to experiencing emotional balance and spiritual peace is making the choice to take intentional steps forward through your grief. You don’t get over grief, you go through it.
- When you learn how to be more aware of what is going on inside your heart and give grief a voice….
- When you learn to treat yourself with the same love and compassion that you offer to others...
- When you learn the different ways men and women deal with grief, adjust your expectations, and practice connecting with loved ones in safe ways that allow authenticity and emotional honesty…
- When you take small consistent steps to release your grief and open yourself to receiving all that you need from God and others…
…You actually do heal.
"I deeply miss my daughter, but my heart is lighter now, having practiced the skills Pam offers.”
Yes, it’s a slow process that comes with growing pains. But it has the transformative power to set you and your family on the path to a healthier and more satisfying life of peace and meaning...
…One in which you again feel like yourself — but more engaged, purposeful, and vibrant with life.
…One in which your relationships hold even greater meaning and are strong, loving, and loyal.
…One in which you’re able to better meet your own needs and be more fully present for your children, spouse, and loved ones.
…One in which you feel greater emotional and mental balance in every aspect of your life...
…One in which you experience your full range of human emotions without being afraid of drowning in them. You have an increased capacity to regulate fear, anger and sadness, and to experience love, gratitude, pleasure, and, yes, even profound peace and joy.
Don’t Struggle On Your Own
Learn the Clinically Sound, Research-Based Tools and Techniques That Promote Emotional Recovery and Spiritual Peace
If such a transformation sounds impossible from where you are, I get it.
And I won’t lie — it’s not an easy, or fast. Traveling the path of grief and healing takes time, energy, and a great deal of courage.
But in the end, wouldn’t it be easier to do this work now, than to spend the rest of your life caught in an endless cycle of toxic negative emotions?
Wouldn’t it better to follow the path of healing now, as a family, than to pass your pain and suffering along to the next generation?
If your answer is yes — and I hope it is — I have some good news for you.
Because as challenging as this work is, there IS a healing path through grief.
Modern brain science has given us great insight into how the brain reacts to trauma and grief -- as well as the negative impact that buried emotions have on mental, emotional, and physical health.
Building on these insights, I have devoted 30 years to mining and refining effective techniques that have helped thousands of grieving parents release their pain, heal their grieving hearts, and reclaim vibrant, engaged lives of peace and purpose.
Let Us Show You How to Process Your Grief in Ways That Honor Your Loss and Facilitate Healing
My name is Pam Vredevelt. For the past three decades, I've been counseling moms and dads who have lost babies, children, and loved ones.
After personally helping thousands of people in my office, I can tell you that the majority of the healing work is done with take home practices and guidance. I've fine-tuned the process so that nearly anyone can take the small but strategic healing action steps with the guidance offered in our videos and help sheets.
I’m all about empowering you to successfully move through the painful realities of life and tell your story of hope and healing. I’ve been a professional counselor in private practice for thirty years, and have helped thousands recover from catastrophic loss. My daughter, Jessie V. Schultz, is a leadership coach and trainer. We love working together with women who have suffered the loss of a baby or child.
It’s not an easy topic, nor one we would have hand-picked for ourselves. But we’re passionate about our calling because we know without a doubt that magnificent transformation happens in the context of a loving relationship with God, safe friends, and wise guidance.
We’ve been where you are. My first baby, David, passed away in the womb, half-way to term. My youngest son, Nathan, died when he was sixteen after being hit by a car. Jessie and her fiancé, Chris, were with Nathan the night of his accident. Working through the horrific pain around Nathan’s passing was a tall assignment for a young collegiate, and for the rest of us. More recently we walked the healing path again after Jessie and Chris lost their two babies, Chloe and Judah.
We know how dark and lonely grief can be. God’s timeless wisdom and brain science research are in agreement - you are not designed to mend your broken heart alone.
As long as I’ve been a therapist, I’ve wanted to help people fully recover and rise up strong after painful losses. It’s my passion because I know what happens when you ignore, block, and bury your grief.
Healing is delayed and years of love, laughter, and abundant life is wasted in unnecessary suffering.
When unresolved grief gets carried into your future, it can harm your health and the people you love. It drains your passion, motivation, creativity, mental clarity, and desire to fulfill your purpose and calling.
The good works you were created to accomplish get sidelined.
"I didn’t want to talk to anyone after we lost our baby, not even my husband. I knew I’d just break down and cry. I didn’t think anyone would really understand, and I didn’t want to be a ‘Negative Nancy.’ On the first day of Healing Your Empty Arms, I realized how alone I felt and how much I needed help. This compassionate community nursed me out of a dark funk and gave me the tools and confidence to share my thoughts and feelings. What I experienced is still improving my emotional health and my marriage."
The Cost Is Not Simply Personal
It Is Cultural and Generational
It's impossible to calculate the high cost of buried unresolved grief.
Sadly, many people struggle for years with unresolved grief. And it’s not their fault. No one showed them a way through grief or what to do with their all-consuming pain.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
For the longest time I have helped people like you, as much as my time allowed. They often told me about their friends and family members who also needed help. But many of them couldn’t take time off work to see a therapist, or they simply couldn’t afford it.
Every time I heard that scenario, I thought something is wrong with this picture! People need to be able to get help without it breaking the bank or forcing them to take time off work that they have to make up later. There has to be another way!
I spent a year exploring how I might be able to reach more people with the tools I offer in the counseling office, that bring grief relief and long-lasting change.
I'm pleased to be able to offer an at home program that we can do together.
What you'll learn in this masterclass is a skillset that will not only make a difference in your life today, but you're also going to take these skills with you the rest of your life. So, the time you invest now will continue to reward you year after year, whenever life throws a curveball and loss comes your way.
It's a lot like learning to ride a bicycle. Once you learn how to ride your first two-wheeler, you have the information you need to ride any bike for the rest of your life.
So while you'll be able to use what you learn here to honor your loss, process your grief, and heal your heart, the personal transformation you experience and new skill set you gain will serve you well far beyond this specific season.
Healing Your Empty Arms
A Transformation Experience for Emotional Healing, Personal Growth, & Spiritual Renewal After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Loss of Your Baby or Child
3 Modules - 9 Lessons
9 Video Lessons & Help Sheets
Daily Healing Actions Steps
Bonus Videos and Resources
MODULE 1: TRANSFORMATION THROUGH GRIEF
IN MODULE 1 YOU LEARN...
- Birdseye View: What you can expect along the way.
- Discover options to partner with God in the healing process.
- Understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy grief.
- Learn the 6 critical needs of mourning and how to meet them.
- How to transform your pain so you don't transmit it to those you love.
MODULE 2: Listen to Your Heart - Love All of You
IN MODULE 2 YOU LEARN...
- It's not your fault that you landed in grief, unprepared and unaware of what to do next.
- Understand how NOT to bury your feelings alive.
- Discover the number one key to promote deep emotional healing.
- Recognize the 7 most common triggers of guilt and regret and how to overcome them.
- Practice noticing life-giving whispers from the still small voice within.
MODULE 3: CONFLICT WITHOUT CASUALTIES
IN MODULE 3 YOU LEARN...
- Why relationship conflicts intensify after your loss and what you can do to reverse the trend.
- Reset your nervous system to calm anxiety and sharpen focus with a powerful practice used by military Special Ops teams.
- Moms and Dads grieve in different ways. Know what to expect and how to help each other heal.
- Learn how to discuss touchy topics using a safe format that leaves you feeling heard, cared for, and validated - especially when you and your loved one disagree on an issue.
- Be equipped to help your children feel emotionally safe when talking about difficult subjects
You Can Use Healing Your Empty Arms Several Ways
You can do it by yourself, with your spouse, a friend, or with a group. I’ve broken the training into nine easy to understand lessons that combine both video and printable help sheets. It’s a proven path of experiential learning.
The lessons don’t take a lot of time. Most people can complete the work in 20 - 30 minutes a day. Gain and practice the skills that promote emotional healing, build resilience, and improve spiritual vitality.
Are You Ready To Start Your Healing Journey?
You can benefit from this transformation experience in the convenience and comfort of your home. You get to choose the time that works best for you.
We invite you to give your heart the proper care and attention it needs to successfully move forward through grief towards brighter new tomorrows.
Get started now!
Healing Your Empty Arms includes LIVE Sessions with Pam & Jessie
Once a month interact with us on Facebook Live. Ask questions about your grief experience and your current challenges. Share your insights and healing action steps, or simply listen and receive encouragement.
Please note, during live sessions we cannot diagnose, assess, or offer professional advice. But short of that we’ll personally support, guide, and encourage you in your unique transformation experience.
You’ll also benefit from hearing answers to other people’s questions. Gain additional insights and practical tips on how you can more effectively work through your grief, experience growth, and heal your heart.
Healing Your Empty Arms Includes a Private Online Community:
You have the opportunity to join our private closed online group to interact with others who are on this healing path. Jessie and I, along with our compassionate, skilled support team, are here to answer your questions, share insights, and encourage you along in your transformation experience.
We are passionate about helping you succeed. You can interact with us as little or as much as you like.
Get started now!
Healing Your Empty Arms Course $197
PS. If you’d like a clear healing action plan with special care and guidance, we hope you’ll join us. We’d be honored to lead you on a proven path of emotional healing, personal growth, and spiritual renewal. Click the button below.
More about Pam and Jessie. . .
Pam is a sought-after Licensed Professional Counselor, best-selling author, and online Emotional Health Coach. She has served thousands of people in private practice for thirty years, and written 14 books. Her best-selling books have been translated into multiple languages and have reached close to 1 million readers around the world. You may have read Pam’s articles, heard her radio interviews or seen her media appearances on Fox, NBC, Focus on the Family, Moody Broadcast, Family Life Today, CBN, The 700 Club, Joni, Web MD, Babywise and many more. Pam has an MS in Communications, MS in Psychology, BA in Christian Education, and more than 30 years of clinical experience in private practice
Jessie's education in psychology and spiritual formation from George Fox University, as well as her experience in leadership development and business, enable her to deliver engaging trainings that put even the most nervous participants at ease. Jessie is a strategic thinker. She equips women with insight, skills and increased confidence to more effectively execute strategies and practical action plans that align with their core values.